If you're just starting therapy, grabbing an emdr cognitions list can actually be the thing that finally helps you put words to those heavy, messy feelings you've been carrying around. We've all been there—sitting on the therapist's couch, or maybe staring at a Zoom screen, and being asked, "What do you believe about yourself when you think of that memory?"
Suddenly, your brain feels like a computer that's frozen up. You know it feels bad. You know it hurts. But finding the specific words? That's a whole different story. This is exactly why these lists exist. They aren't just a cheat sheet; they're a roadmap for your brain to identify the "glitches" in your thinking that trauma left behind.
What exactly are these cognitions anyway?
In the world of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), we talk a lot about "cognitions." That's just a fancy word for a belief or a thought that's stuck in your head. When we experience something traumatic or even just deeply stressful, our brains don't always process the information correctly. Instead of the event becoming a distant "that happened," it stays "this is happening, and it's because of me."
We split these into two main groups: the Negative Cognition (NC) and the Positive Cognition (PC).
The negative one is the lie your brain told you to make sense of a bad situation. It's usually something like "I'm not safe" or "It's my fault." The positive one is where we want to go—the truth that helps you heal, like "I am safe now" or "I did the best I could."
Why it's so hard to pick the right words
When you're in the middle of a session, your "thinking brain" (the prefrontal cortex) often takes a backseat to your "emotional brain" (the limbic system). This is why you can't just "logic" your way out of trauma. You might know intellectually that a car accident wasn't your fault, but your gut still screams "I'm responsible."
Using a pre-made emdr cognitions list takes the pressure off. You don't have to invent the vocabulary from scratch while you're already feeling vulnerable. You can just look down a list and say, "That one. That's exactly how I feel." It's incredibly validating to see your deepest, most painful thoughts printed on a piece of paper, realizing that other people feel this way too.
Breaking down the negative side of the list
Most lists are broken down into a few main categories. Trauma tends to attack our sense of self in very specific ways, and usually, those "lies" fall into one of these buckets:
Responsibility and Defectiveness
This is probably the most common category. It's that deep-seated feeling that you are fundamentally "wrong" or "broken." * "I am bad." * "I am worthless." * "I am a disappointment." * "I don't deserve love."
If you grew up in a household where you were constantly criticized, or if you went through a bad breakup where you were blamed for everything, these thoughts tend to stick like glue.
Safety and Vulnerability
This one is all about your physical or emotional security. It's very common for people with PTSD or those who have survived accidents or violence. * "I am in danger." * "I cannot protect myself." * "The world is a dangerous place." * "I can't trust anyone."
When these are active, you're always on high alert. Your nervous system is constantly scanning for threats because that's what your brain believes is true.
Control and Power
This category hits hard for anyone who has felt helpless. If you were in a situation where you had no say in what happened to you, your brain might try to regain a sense of control by blaming your own lack of power. * "I am powerless." * "I am weak." * "I can't handle this." * "I'm out of control."
Flipping the script with positive cognitions
Once you've identified the junk in the trunk, you have to figure out what you want to believe instead. This isn't about "toxic positivity" or pretending everything is perfect. It's about finding a belief that is functional and true in the present moment.
If your negative belief is "I am powerless," the positive flip might not be "I am the master of the universe." That's not realistic. A better positive cognition would be "I have choices now" or "I can handle my emotions."
A good emdr cognitions list will provide a "counter-thought" for every negative one. It gives you a target to aim for during the processing phase of therapy. You want to get to the point where you can think about that old memory and truly feel, in your bones, that the positive statement is 100% true.
How to use the list during your session
Your therapist will likely show you the list during the "assessment" phase of EMDR. You'll pick a specific memory—maybe it's a specific "touchstone" event from your childhood or a recent stressful event.
As you look at the memory, you'll scan the emdr cognitions list and see which negative statement resonates most. Don't overthink it. Usually, one will jump out at you or give you a "pit in your stomach" feeling. That's the one to work on.
Then, you'll pick the positive one you want to believe. Your therapist will ask you how true that positive statement feels on a scale of 1 to 7 (this is called the Validity of Cognition, or VoC). In the beginning, it might only feel like a 1 or a 2. That's okay! The whole point of the eye movements or tapping is to "digest" the memory until that 2 turns into a 7.
Common examples of the "Perfect Match"
Sometimes it helps to see how these pairs work together. Here are a few classic examples you might find on a standard list:
- Negative: "I am unlovable." -> Positive: "I am lovable just as I am."
- Negative: "I should have done something." -> Positive: "I did what I could at the time."
- Negative: "I am inadequate." -> Positive: "I am enough."
- Negative: "I am shameful." -> Positive: "I am an honorable person."
It's amazing how shifting from "I should have known better" to "I was only a child and did the best I could" can completely change the physical weight of a memory.
Why you shouldn't settle for "close enough"
One thing I've learned is that it pays to be specific. If you're looking at an emdr cognitions list and nothing feels exactly right, talk to your therapist about tweaking the wording.
Maybe "I am weak" doesn't quite hit it, but "I am vulnerable" does. Or maybe "I am bad" is too broad, and "I am a failure" is the real zinger. The more accurate the words are to your internal experience, the more effective the processing will be. You're trying to hit a very specific emotional nerve, so don't be afraid to be picky with the language.
Final thoughts on the process
At the end of the day, an emdr cognitions list is just a tool, but it's a powerful one. It helps bridge the gap between your logical mind and your emotional heart. It gives you permission to acknowledge the dark things you've been thinking about yourself, and it provides a light at the end of the tunnel by showing you what's possible.
Healing is hard work, and sometimes it's exhausting. But having the right words can make the burden feel just a little bit lighter. If you're heading into an EMDR session soon, take a look at a list beforehand. See what jumps out. You might be surprised at what your brain has been trying to tell you all this time.
Remember, the goal isn't just to stop the pain—it's to change the story you tell yourself about who you are and what you're capable of. And that starts with finding the right words.